Breaking Up With the Breath Test Machine

Dear Ohio Breath Test Machine:I am a human.  As such, I pride myself on my individuality.  It hurts me that you don't care if I'm a man or a woman.  It bothers me that you don't care what I had to eat, what my lung partition ratio is, or what my metabolic rate is.  I'm concerned about your indifference to how much I weigh or how my stomach produces too many/too little enzymes that metabolize ethanol.  You don't seem to care what my alcohol content was at the time I was driving.   It has become obvious to me that you...